10 Top Good Men on TV

We had some trouble compiling this list. It’s not that good men are hard to find in TV—we thought of plenty—it’s that goodness on the small screen is so often a caricature. Good cop versus bad cop. Lovable geek versus douchebag jock.

We found ourselves asking, is this character really good, or do we just not know enough about him? Do we omit characters from AMC’s wonderfully nuanced Mad Men, for example, just because they’re more complicated (or say “what?” way too often)? Then we thought, hey, we’re evaluating the relative virtue of  fictional characters—let’s not overthink this thing.

In the end we tried to choose men we relate to and respect, however caricatured they might be at times. We also chose men who struggle toward goodness—and succeed most of the time. Oh, and we limited ourselves to characters who are currently on air (sadly, MacGyver wasn’t in the running).

Love our list? Hate our list? Don’t be shy—let us know. But whatever you do, don’t sit too close to the screen. That’s definitely bad.    [Continued.]

8 Good Men Behind Powerful Women

***This slideshow was created with Soundslides***

Meryl Streep. Margaret Thatcher. Oprah. It takes truly good men to shore up women of such fame, charisma, and monumental power. And after watching one too many First Lady biopics that includes some iteration of the line “she stood solidly behind her husband,” we present a slideshow of the men who were (and still are) happy to stand solidly behind their women

[Continued]

Forgotten Men: Francis Wolle, Inventor of the Paper Bag

My father is a scientist, and I am not.

One of my sharpest childhood memories happened during science fair season in the 3rd grade—my dad, the chemist, is leaning toward me at the kitchen table, and we are surrounded by library books about hydrogen bonds, polar magnetism, and soap-making. We are making soap from scratch. A hunk of chicken is slumped sadly beside us on a chopping board with half its fat cut off in a lumpy yellow pile to mix with the pure lye he brought home from his lab.

I am sobbing. There’s something in the rise of his voice and the craze in his eye that made my 8-year old self feel like I was missing something really, really vital. I was his first child, and every time I failed to hide my boredom an involuntary disappointment flashed across his face. This was the kind of thing that defined him as a scientist, as a man… and I just didn’t get it. Soap was for taking baths with; I didn’t care where it came from. (At the time, I also didn’t really care to take baths.)

There have been so many guys like my dad. Men who devoted their lives to science and invention and were damned good at what they did, only to find that the world around them just didn’t really get it. Or care. And then those men would disappear into the ether, leaving behind the daily evidence of their passion.

[Continued]

Good Comment of the Day: The ‘Creepy’ Factor

Today’s good comment is from a few weeks ago, but it was incisive enough for me to think of it when I read this piece by Jeremy Paul Gordon over at The Hairpin.

The comment was on a post I’d written about the purported “infidelity gene” and commenter Henry Vandenburgh brought up a really great subject:

I liked the article, above. What I don’t like is that the word “creepy” is getting a lot of play lately in taliking about fairly common forms of sexuality. (Obviously not incest, but many other things.) It’s usually used by women commenters.

As a woman writing for a men’s mag—a job that’s made me reevaluate my genderized tendencies more than I ever thought possible—this took me aback. It wasn’t something that had ever even crossed my mind. Was I playing too fast and loose with a word that Gordon dubbed “the worst thing a woman can call a man”?

[Continued]

Guys Against Sexual Assault

**This post was re-published in Gender Across Borders***

There’s nothing like the threat of a good crotch groping to galvanize our nation’s men into action against sexual assault. What began with the T-shirt-worthy battle cry “If you touch my junk, I will have you arrested” has since escalated into a full-on war.

Salon detailed the skirmish over whether sexual preference matters during a pat-down, while The Atlantic’sJeffrey Goldberg railed against privacy violations (and the general inefficacy of the TSA as a whole). Hell, even humor writer Dave Barry threw his hat in the ring, lamenting his “blurry groin” in an NPR interview.

In short, guys are angry. And for the most part, rightly so. Being subjected to this kind of manhandling—pun unashamedly intended—is a flat-out violation no matter how you twist, fondle, or grope it. [Continued]

Having Sisters Could Kill a Guy’s Mojo

**This post was linked and quoted in Jezebel***

Well, for rats at least. In a study done at the University of Texas at Austin, researchers found that male rats who come from female-dominated litters are less sexually aggressive and less attractive to lady mice later on in life.

The study involved shuffling newborn litters into groups by gender—some groups were mostly male or female, while others were equal—and then observing their mating behavior once they matured. Results showed that while male rats who’d grown up with a lot of sisters were just as physically vital, they spent less time pursuing and being pursued by potential mates.

"When males who were raised with a lot of sisters were presented with receptive female rats, they spent less time mounting them than did male rats that were raised in male-biased litters or in balanced families. But they penetrated the female rats and ejaculated just as much as did the other males." [Continued]

How the Mrs. Robinson Sex Fantasy Hurts Teen Boys

In last Friday’s 10 at 10, we featured this link to a story about a mother and daughter who were both sexually abusing a teenage boy over the course of three years. The mother, Susan Brock, was arrested back in October; her daughter, Rachel Katherine Brock, was brought into custody last week—both on a smorgasbord of sexual misconduct charges. Their baffled husband/father reported his mental state as “appalled and crushed.” (No kidding.)

But what’s really interesting is the public reaction to this story. As blogger Dr. Helen Smith points out, many of the commenters on the article don’t seem to see the harm in what happened, claiming that the act was “a privilege that a teen male had two women showing him the ways of the world.”

As if the sexual fantasy of a mother-daughter double team—a la Lindsay Lohan and her mom in Machete—excuses the fact that this boy was victimized and likely traumatized. [Continued.]

Men Through the Ages: An Infographic of an Infographic

***This infographic was re-posted by Jezebel***

Guyism.com published this lovely chart illustrating the purported “evolution of man.” With all due respect to the publishers of such other gems as 2010: The summer of celebrity bikinis and Arizona State girls are the hottest drunken messes, we’ve kindly created an infographic of their infographic, explaining why they’re at risk of being out-thunk by the drunken messes at ASU. [Continued]

Most Scientists Are Democrats (and Why It'll Stay That Way)

My sister and I used to run an experiment during the holidays called “anger the family.”

My relatives were the perfect test subjects. Between the newly (and staunchly) religious factions and those who see science and reason as a religion unto itself—my chemist dad being the ringleader of that clan—it was just a matter of dropper-ing a volatile subject into the mix and watching the whole dinner table broil over in debate.

After years of playing this game, we had it down. I’ve never been to war but this was how I imagined setting mines would feel … only we did it for fun. And early on, we figured out that the most efficient catalyst was politics. Bring up global warming and we were entertained for hours. The Iraq war and we would be set for the week.

But the other conclusion we came to was this: there is no endgame to these discussions. They only ended when someone got angry enough to storm away from the table or when everyone was too drunk to move.

Which is why I question Daniel Sarewitz, who wrote a beautiful call to arms in Slate about how the vast majority of scientists in the U.S. are Democrats and how that needs to change. Citing a Pew study from July 2009, the article states that “around 6 percent of U.S. scientists are Republicans; 55 percent are Democrats, 32 percent are independent, and the rest ‘don’t know’ their affiliation.” (Continued)

No Gift Ideas for the Wife? Esquire Suggests a Divorce

***This post was re-posted in the Huffington Post Divorce Section***

This month’s Esquire features a gift-buying guide that manages to simultaneously insult men and their wives in one fell swoop.

“Gifts That Will Keep You Married” begins by asserting that this year’s crop of cheating scandals might be making women question their husbands’ fidelity (because women only read gossip rags and, even then, preferably ones with one syllable words.)

So, what does Esquire suggest to solve your marital tension? Why, buy her things, of course.

"Even if you’re not philandering, chances are good your wife is starting to look up from her tabloids with suspicion, if not outright terror. Let her know how much matrimony really means with these gifts to solve common male marital flaws."

The piece goes on to outline the “ideal gifts” to counterbalance your flaws as a husband. For the “oversexed,” it suggests a ladylike Kate Spade clutch. For the heartless cuddle-phobe, a really warm scarf.

[Continued]

Should Marriage Counseling Be Required Before Tying the Knot?

I know next to nothing about marriage. My longest relationship has been the kind that I’m compelled to describe as “on again, off again,” and the concept of devoting a lifetime to someone (who isn’t myself) is like an alien intrusion. It fell out of nowhere, it’s steaming in my front yard, and the only interaction I’ve had with it so far is to poke it with a stick.

So when I read this piece in YourTango about premarital counseling, I was surprised to find that A) it legitimately exists, and B) I’m in full support of it. In a culture that obsesses over Internet reviews before committing to buy the latest iProduct, why do we insulate ourselves against help for something as serious as marriage? As writer and life coach Zoe Saint Paul says in the article,

People train and prepare for marathons, jobs, trips, and more. But then they treat marriage as though it’s just something we’re all naturally good at. There is no more challenging—and rewarding—marathon than marriage, and if we’re wise, we’ll prepare for it wisely.

It seems ludicrously simple. And yet, not many people seek it out. [Continued.]

Ten Really Weird Things to Do With Your Meat

Americans have a curious relationship with meat. Some love it, some hate it, and, apparently, some love to play with it. We’ve compiled a list of the most bizarre, shocking things people have done with meat. We don’t want to brag, but Lady Gaga’s meat dress can’t touch this.

[Continued]

The Coolidge Effect [Graphic]

**This graphic was created to accompany the article " Can Your Brain Become Hardwired to Porn?"***

The Infidelity Gene

Before I even begin talking about this study, let me make my stance clear: cheating is not okay. Ever. It’s empirically among the worst things you can do to someone you love—and I write this as someone who has both cheated and been cheated on.

But infidelity happens. A lot. I’m not referring to the gray-area-emotional-cheating we’ve discussed over at the magazine—I mean full out affairs or one-night stands with people who aren’t your significant other. It’s estimated that approximately 30 to 60 percent of all married people in the U.S. will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage (and it’s even higher in Russia).

So, the recent discovery of a so-called infidelity gene—or the “slut gene”—is relevant to a distressingly large bloc of our population.

[Continued]

Top 10 Good Movies About Addiction

Called "one of the most disturbing movies ever made” by Entertainment Weekly, Requiem for a Dream is not for the weak of mind, spirit, or stomach. It follows the frenetic, spiraling demise of three Coney Island heroin junkies and a woman addicted to diet pills, in what has been lauded as the most accurate portrayal of addiction ever made. The strobe-like filming melts its viewers into what feels like a bad acid trip, as the characters’ simple dreams—a dress shop, a TV spot, a nest egg—slip further and further away.

Jared Leto and Jennifer Connelly star as the (suspiciously good-looking) addicts whose hopes of a big score are slowly, painfully chipped away. Connelly and Leto’s initially sweet young love soon decays into prostitution and jail time.

Ellen Burstyn’s Oscar-nominated role as Leto’s elderly mother begins with a simple dream of being on her favorite television show; hope morphs into obsession and eventually into a pill-fueled hallucinatory nightmare in which her household appliances are closing in on her. [Continued]

What Project Would You Do If You Could?

***This was a promotional post written for the Docker's "Wear the Pants Project"***

My dad’s been a chemistry teacher for nearly 20 years. He fits the bill exact—a little bumbling, a little overenthusiastic, but endlessly in love with his craft. His passion for steady state quantum mechanics and keto-enol tautomerism reactions—though sadly lost on me—have defined him as a scientist, as a man.

And now he’s writing a chemistry textbook. But something new and tight and human—unlike the lumpy texts he’s been teaching out of for years. Each time I call home now, he’s bursting with the electricity of new research. Did you know Dalton wasn’t the original atom guy? And there’s this experiment he can’t get over—he’ll draw it for me so I can see. And oh, is he enjoying the writing.

It’s amazing. My dad—who’s also a poet with a fondness for Ted Kooser and Wallace Stevens—can’t seem to contain himself within this project. It compels him forward to the point where I don’t think he could stop if he wanted to. (But why would he want to?!)

And here’s the thing: this is a story any one of us could tell about our fathers, our friends, ourselves. (Though probably minus the keto-enol tautomerisms.) We all have a project—a thousand projects—that swim around, just waiting to break the surface. Most of them die quietly in the detritus of daily life—but when they do break the surface, great things could happen. Or, at the very least, great happiness. [Continued.]

Why Don't Guys Hit On Neko Case?

Neko Case is hot. I mean, smoldering hair, Susan Orlean’s intellect, and a voice that could melt platinum (records)—that hot. And you don’t have to take my word for it. The New Pornographers’ singer-turned-solo-act was named Sexiest Babe of Indie Rock by Playboy, and GQ listed her right alongside the likes of Katy Perry and Liz Phair.

So why is it that nobody’s hitting on her?

As the singer recently tweeted: ”No, ladies in bands don’t get ANY action.” Other female musicians backed her up. “SO TRUE!” tweeted Michelle Branch. Crooked Fingers singer Miranda Brown asserted, “You are 100% correct … I have gotten laid exactly one time on tour, and it was an ex. Laaaaame.”

This isn’t a call for the universal catcalling of female musicians. But in a world where sex appeal often trades as popular currency, what is with this double standard? Male rock stars’ sexing up fangirls is trite enough to warrant a book like Sex Tips From Rock Stars (which, naturally, only features men). So why is a musician like Colette Alexander saying things like “The best gift a friend can get a (girl)friend who’s about to go on tour is a vibrator”?  [Continued]

Why I Ignored Ted Williams’ Brush With the Law

The golden days are over.

Ted Williams, the instantly famous homeless man with a velvety baritone voice, was detained by the LAPD yesterday after an altercation with his daughter led to a disturbance call.

I saw the story peppering my newsfeed all through yesterday and just scrolled past in active denial. Why? For the same reason I still wail “don’t do it!” every time the main characters split up in a horror movie. We all know what’s going to happen: aliens will rupture chest cavities, killer piranhas will feed on them one by one, the most annoying character is going to get injured and slow everyone else down—and in the end, everyone’s dead except for the main character and maybe a love interest (if they’re lucky).

Except for Williams, his gauntlet of monsters is us. [Continued]